Web Analytics
Jump to content

Cosylan - Rope Ulv (nå på spotify)


ErlendB
 Share

Recommended Posts

Nå har jeg etter hvert skjønt at jeg er det eneste mennesket i verden som ikke har Spotify, så jeg har gitt meg med å surve over det, ErlendB. Ut over det, anbefales det absolutt å høre. Fantastiske greier.

Og bare så du skjønner hvor snodig man kan være, stjålet fra en nettside fra en gang for lenge siden, over de sju fjell:

There was a knock on the door. It was the man from Spotify.

"Not you again," I said.

"Sorry," he said, a little sheepishly. "I guess you know why I'm here."

Indeed I did. Spotify's $300 million campaign to promote Spotify was meant to be universally effective, to convince every human being on the planet that it was an essential, some would say integral, part of living. Problem was, not everyone had bought it. Specifically, I hadn't bought it. I was the Last Human Being Without Spotify. And now this little man from Spotify was at my door, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"No," I said.

"You know I can't take that," he said, pulling out a copy. "Come on. Just one copy. That's all we ask."

"Not interested." I said. "Look, isn't there someone else you can go bother for a while? There's got to be someone else on the planet who doesn't have a copy." "Well, no," The Spotify man said. "You're the only one."

"You can't be serious. Not everyone on the planet has a computer," I said. "Hell, not everyone on the planet has a PC!."

The Spotify man look perplexed. "I'm missing your point," he said.

"Use!" I screamed. "Use! Use! Use! Why BUY it, if you don’t want to USE it?"

"Well, I don't know anything about this 'use' thing you're going on about," The Spotify man said. "All I know is that according to our records, everyone else on the planet has a copy."

"People without computers?"

"Got 'em."

"Amazonian Indians?"

"We had to get some malaria shots to go in, but yes."

"The Amish."

"Check."

"Oh, come on," I said. "They don't even wear BUTTONS. How did you get them to buy Spotify?"

"We told them there were actually worship music in the box," the Spotify man admitted. "We sort of lied. Which means we are all going to Hell, every single employee of Spotify." He was somber for a minute, but then perked right up. "But that's not the point!" he said. "The point is, EVERYONE has a copy. Except you."

"So what?" I said. "If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you expect me to do it, too?"

"If we spent $300 million advertising it? Absolutely."

"No."

"Jeez, back to that again," the Spotify man said. "Hey. I'll tell you what. I'll GIVE you a copy. For free. Just take it and install it on your computer." He waved the box in front of me.

"No," I said again. "No offense, pal. But I don't need it. And frankly, your whole advertising blitz has sort of offended me. I mean, it's a piece of software where someone else controls your music! Great. Fine. Swell. Whatever. But you guys are advertising it like it creates world peace or something."

"It did."

"Pardon?"

"World peace. It was part of the original design. Really. One button access. Click on it, poof, end to strife and hunger. Simple."

"So what happened?"

"Well, you know," he said. "It took up a lot of space on the hard drive. We had to decide between it or the Spotify Network. Anyway, we couldn't figure out how to make a profit off of world peace."

"Go away," I said.

"I can't," he said. "I'll be killed if I fail."

"You have got to be kidding," I said.

"Look," the Spotify man said, "We sold this to the AMISH. The Amish! Right now, they're opening the boxes and figuring out they've been had. We'll be pitchforked if we ever step into Western Pennsyvania again. But we did it. So to have YOU holding out, well, it's embarassing. It's embarassing to the company. It's embarassing to the product. It's embarassing to the owners."

"Daniel and Martin does not care about me," I said.

"They’re watching right now," the Spotify man said. "Borrowed one of those military spy satellites just for the purpose. It's also got one of those high-powered lasers. You close that door on me, zap, I'm a pile of grey ash."

"They wouldn't do that," I said, "They might hit something by accident."

"Oh, they’ve gotten pretty good with that laser," the Spotify man said, nervously.

"Okay. I wasn't supposed to do this, but you leave me no choice. If you take this copy of Spotify, we will reward you handsomely. In fact, we'll give you your own Caribbean island! How does Montserrat sound?"

"Terrible. There's an active volcano there."

"It's only a small one," the Spotify man said.

"Look," I said, "even if you DID convince me to install Spotify, what would you do then? You'd have totally saturated the market. That would be it. No new worlds to conquer. What would you do then?"

The Spotify man held up another box and gave it to me.

"'Spotify .. For Pets'?!?!?"

"There's a LOT of domestic animals out there," he said.

I shut the door quickly. There was a surprised yelp, the sound of a laser, and then nothing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Neinei, med en holdning som jeg har er det bare feil knapper tilgjengelige. :)

Spotifylinker er helt greit, det, man må bare ikke anta at absolutt alle har tilgang til det. Men jeg skjønner som sagt det jeg antydet, at jeg er helt alene. Nå har jeg jo handlet CD-platen for de som husker hva det er, så det er ikke synd på meg.

Gratulerer med spotifyeksponering! og kudos hvis du gadd å lese hele teksten.

Forøvrig- hva jeg måtte mene om Spotify, betyr ingenting. Nada.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rakk bare å høre de par første låtene, men det låt ganske fett. :)

Takk for det! Den siste låta er min personlige favoritt!

Har ikke Spotify... jeg heller, så nå kan jeg sikkert vente meg besøk på døra :P

Det finnes jo en onlinespiller for spotify, men det krever at du har bruker, da. Ellers så kan du jo få kjøpt den... :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nå har jeg etter hvert skjønt at jeg er det eneste mennesket i verden som ikke har Spotify,...

Da er det nok to av oss... Men hysj! Ikke la The Man from Spotify høre om det! Jeg har ikke engang lest den derre Facebook - kanskje jeg plukker opp paperbacken på en loppis en gang hvis jeg finner den.

There was a knock on the door. It was the man from Spotify.

...

:D

Sånn ellers fant jeg noe Cosylan på jutjub...

Edited by DrJustice
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.